I'm sitting here at midnight, at an empty table in the middle of my dirty house, contemplating questions, priorities and choices that need to be made...soon. What do you do when what looks like a perfect fit isn't quite so perfect after all? When you discover that what you hated about your old life is the one thing you miss most about your new one? I'm loving my job, the people are great, but I feel like I'm constantly running three steps behind trying to catch up on the skills to encompass my growing responsibilities.
Now that I've actually written that, I look at it and realize that it isn't the responsibility that bugs me. It's the series of unfortunate events that has us running two weeks behind schedule, with disasters lurking at every turn. We're still trying to finish customizing the software, struggling with website programming errors and crashing and burning trying to pull in a graphics artist to finish the print pieces for this. *bang head here* There's another big project right around the corner, and while part of me swears up and down we'll be a little more organized this time around, we know what we're going to be dealing with, etc., etc., I can't stop the gut clenching certainty that it's all going to blow up in my face.
Paranoia? Nerves? (Lord knows I've been running on them for the past week.) Probably just simple overload-a project crashing and burning while I'm trying to deal with my parents coming to town, planning a Halloween party, homework and the need to pre-plan upcoming marketing events. I keep reminding myself I'm only one person, and I'm going to do the best I can do and that's the best I can do, but that doesn't stop the fact that this is my responsibility and I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
*sigh* All right, on to cheerier news. I can keep my angst to myself. Honest. Took the kids Halloween costume shopping today. Didn't make it to the pumpkin patch, but we had a great time prowling costume shops and department stores to outfit two pirates, a devil and a dragon slayer. It was great. What am I going to be? I have a gorgeous black velvet renaissance style dress I'm going to jazz up with a harlequin mask and (possibly) a pair of wings, or something fun along those lines. We'll just have to wait and see what that "something" turns out to be!
Anyway, I'm off to upload pictures to Facebook. (I'll make sure I post Halloween pictures here when I get a chance.) Have a great day everyone!