Saturday, December 4, 2010

On New Beginnings

Ever stick your foot in your mouth without really meaning to? It happened to me.

See, my parents are letting go of their house and moving up north. Why? Because the job situation is so bad where they're at that they can't afford to stay. Now, while this stinks, I don't know that I'd call it a fail of epic proportions. Sure, they're getting older, but neither one is anywhere near retirement. They held on as long as they could, but sooner or later the winds of change step in and sweep you along whether you want to go or not.

The fail is, they're upset over losing the house. So what do I do? Make a crack about having the nice big house and hiding from the snow. Doh. Open mouth, insert foot. Will have to send chocolate to say sorry :-p

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Drawing a blank...

So, it’s 10:30 at night, I’ve still got a huge pile of work to do, and I really should be writing (and finish drafting this PR sometime before I die) but instead I’m going to take a hot second to update this blog. Why? Maybe it’s because I haven’t done it in a while. Maybe it’s because I just posted “Tea’s 4 Two”, a blog I’m going to be sharing with a friend out here on the web (and one that will likely get more traffic than this one ever will). Maybe it’s just because I’ve had so much happen in the last 2 weeks, and I’m dying to share it with somebody.

Whatever the case may be, here I am at 10:30 at night reminding myself that it’s important not only to schedule time to appreciate the moments that take your breath away, but also to appreciate them as they come.

Let’s see…where to start. I guess I’d have to start with the idiot from my history class, since that’s what’s got me up in arms at the moment. It takes a lot to get me angry, but closed minded people who proudly display their ignorance and their unwillingness to move past that ignorance do it quickly. I’ll spare you the details and simply say he was eager to find offense where none existed, and heartily insulted me in the process. I can rationalize it left, right and sideways, but the bottom line is, he pissed me off. My feelings were hurt. And because of that I (completely subconsciously, I swear) managed to cattily back him into a corner whereby his only defense was to tell me he was no longer commenting and I wouldn’t change his mind.

Best. Cop out. Ever.

Okay, personal rant? The fear of someone else imposing their opinions on you is the sign of a weak mind. If you can’t have enough faith in your beliefs to sit down, listen and honestly consider the other side of the story, you don’t have beliefs. What you have is a mind that’s been cleverly molded, which is what I suspect we’re dealing with here. I want to rage and shout and smack this individual across the head for being so deliberately ignorant and narrow minded that they can’t accept that the way they view the world isn’t always how the world is, but I can’t. Not only is it not kosher on the discussion boards, but I learned a long time ago that making enemies when you work in a public domain is ALWAYS a bad idea.

Doesn’t mean I’m going to let him get the last word though. I just haven’t figured out where I’m going to go next. Hey, nobody’s perfect.

Work. Next to school, work consumes most of my time. Things are awkward right now because I find myself at the crossroads, in which I’m struggling to get things lined up for my replacement while keeping up with the status quo and taking on new work to set the stage for future clients. My last day of work is going to be December 17, and I’ve promised myself a sabbatical through January to get things back in order and get my youngest through his surgery. Maybe work on some personal projects-lord knows I have enough of them at the moment!

I’m going to miss the people I’m working with, horribly, but I’m excited about the change in gears too. It certainly doesn’t hurt that I’ve had some past clients approach me about the possibility of doing some work, so I’m not plunging blindly into the unknown. And hey, worst comes to worst I’ll spend a little time playing Mommy and catching up out on the web. I’m almost a month behind in the big, wide, wonderful world of XKCD, and my Fanfiction peeps are wondering if I’m still alive. With the third story in my trilogy to finish up (after a short break, I’m thinking, I’m burning out quickly on this fanfic), a website and a couple of blogs in the works and a portfolio to create, I have faith I’m going to stay very, very busy.
No worries, da? And now I’m off to scratch out another blog post for my 3rd blog (the one I’ve been neglecting horribly) before I talk my hubby into another episode of Stargate: Atlantis and head off to bed. Long day tomorrow. Very, very long…

Saturday, October 16, 2010


I'm sitting here at midnight, at an empty table in the middle of my dirty house, contemplating questions, priorities and choices that need to be made...soon. What do you do when what looks like a perfect fit isn't quite so perfect after all? When you discover that what you hated about your old life is the one thing you miss most about your new one? I'm loving my job, the people are great, but I feel like I'm constantly running three steps behind trying to catch up on the skills to encompass my growing responsibilities.

Now that I've actually written that, I look at it and realize that it isn't the responsibility that bugs me. It's the series of unfortunate events that has us running two weeks behind schedule, with disasters lurking at every turn. We're still trying to finish customizing the software, struggling with website programming errors and crashing and burning trying to pull in a graphics artist to finish the print pieces for this. *bang head here* There's another big project right around the corner, and while part of me swears up and down we'll be a little more organized this time around, we know what we're going to be dealing with, etc., etc., I can't stop the gut clenching certainty that it's all going to blow up in my face.

Paranoia? Nerves? (Lord knows I've been running on them for the past week.) Probably just simple overload-a project crashing and burning while I'm trying to deal with my parents coming to town, planning a Halloween party, homework and the need to pre-plan upcoming marketing events. I keep reminding myself I'm only one person, and I'm going to do the best I can do and that's the best I can do, but that doesn't stop the fact that this is my responsibility and I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

*sigh* All right, on to cheerier news. I can keep my angst to myself. Honest. Took the kids Halloween costume shopping today. Didn't make it to the pumpkin patch, but we had a great time prowling costume shops and department stores to outfit two pirates, a devil and a dragon slayer. It was great. What am I going to be? I have a gorgeous black velvet renaissance style dress I'm going to jazz up with a harlequin mask and (possibly) a pair of wings, or something fun along those lines. We'll just have to wait and see what that "something" turns out to be!

Anyway, I'm off to upload pictures to Facebook. (I'll make sure I post Halloween pictures here when I get a chance.) Have a great day everyone!

Monday, September 6, 2010

A Labor-less Labor Day

With Labor Day finally here I'm able to kick back, relax and enjoy a surprisingly labor-less day in which I can, oh, I don't know...actually write in this blog! All right, so I'm actually sitting at the table like a Supreme Court judge overseeing the slow, tedious process of making my 4 year old actually eat his lunch long after his brother and sister have left the table, using my laptop to keep me occupied so I don't become impatient and start yelling at him to eat more than one pea at a time, but hey, no one's perfect :-)

I am, however, incredibly impressed by how much easier it is to get peas down him when there are baked beans in the offing. I think I really need to remember this for next time.

It's been an interesting week. Tomorrow marks my first "official" day of working full time for East Ridge, and between that, the beginning of a new class (which I still haven't ordered my books for-oops) and the manuscript I'm working on for a client, free time is going to be in short supply this week. Factor in the first week of school and the endless piles of homework, paperwork and last-minute runs for school supplies that always go with it and it's going to be an interesting week.

And did I mention there are visits to the orthopedist to factor in? In a move that makes me feel like the worst mommy of all time, I discovered that the sore wrist that I thought my darling little drama queen was just being overly dramatic about (yet again) was actually broken and should have gone for an x-ray a full week earlier than it actually did. So Chelsea is now sporting a cast that she's going to have to start both school and dance with, and I'm sporting a massive case of guilt that's inspiring me to permit almost unlimited ice cream privileges.

Considering the fact that we've been making a genuine effort to be more health conscious around here since we discovered her weight was waffling in the red zone (being short and overweight is a genetic curse down both sides of her family, unfortunately, and we've been trying to encourage healthier habits because of it), that's saying a lot.

It's not Garrett's eating habits, my massive case of Senior-itis, work or Chelsea's broken arm that's been consuming most of my time, however. I told you earlier I'd been Twilight-ed. Well, I have been slurped into writing a fanfiction that actually shows Bella growing up and getting it together, and what was supposed to be a very short short story that brought her and Jacob back together and taught her the difference between teenage obsession and an actual, honest-to-god grown up relationship has spiraled into something out of control. And that's with making a concentrated effort to keep it short!

"Out from Under" has devoured most of my days, and with the clock slowly ticking down and the final confrontation right around the corner I find it difficult to think about anything else. I have another idea for a fanfic in the works that promises to be a lot more complicated, and I'm not sure if I want to write it out as a fanfic or if I want to make an effort to actually turn it into my own story. Lots of background, drama, vampire politics, and with the exception of Bella and Jake's relationship it has little to do with the original canon. I don't know. I really like the fanfic community I'm working with, and I have to admit, their constant support is a big part of what's keeping me working on this story (and running to my inbox for comments every morning) but I like the idea of finally publishing something of my own.

I guess we'll see.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Age of Distraction

Wow. I never thought the day would come when I would have to remind myself that Rome and Ethics Papers weren’t built in a day! Yet I just had to forcibly remove myself from my desperate need to get all of my homework for the week done tonight, despite the fact that I’ve already done everything I had due for Thursday and am down to the journal articles for this week’s 3-5 page paper.

I really, really hate weekly papers. Having a paper due every week is ridiculously stressful. Don’t get me wrong, I much prefer it to the process of having a huge test each unit (although in the wide, wonderful world of open book quizzes you never know), but geesh. I think I’ve just gotten so used to being ridiculously stressed that I’ve forgotten how to sit back and take these things in stride.

Speaking of which, I still have to go move laundry. Ugh…

I’m looking at the remainder of my paint job wishing I could work up some motivation, but it’s just not coming. I love working full time again, but I forgot how tired it can make you! It was 8 o’clock by the time I finished work, picked up some groceries and got home. There’s a huge sense of accomplishment in knowing that if I absolutely had to, I could support myself financially though. That’s something I’ve never had to do. I moved back in with my parents when I dropped out of college, shared an apartment with my fiancĂ©e when I moved back out, moved back in with my parents when that didn’t work out, then moved in with my in-laws before I finally got a place with Mike. My financial burden has never been mine, and since the kids were born I knew I couldn’t handle it.

It’s nice to know that between my brand spanking new, full time job and the freelance jobs I could still take advantage of if I wanted to I could actually support myself for once.

Do you think it’s wrong to have never lived alone? My baby sister is chafing at the bit now, since she moved in with her boyfriend straight out of high school, and I can’t say I blame her. On the one hand, you shouldn’t move backward in a relationship. On the other, she’s never really been with anyone other than the guy she’s with now, and if she doesn’t get some space to finish growing up she’s going to implode on him sooner or later. I know. I’ve been there.

This past month was tremendously good for me, because for the first time in my life I actually lived on my own for more than a day or two. The whole “no hubby or kids for 2 weeks straight” and the fact that I really only had the kids for a handful of days in July translated to a nice, recuperative break for Mom, who got to eat when she wanted, sleep when she wanted and go to the movies whenever she wanted. And go see the midnight showing of “Eclipse” twice if she was so inclined!

Yes, I used and abused it, but I’m in a better place mentally for it, and I think my baby sis would be too. Now it’s a matter of convincing her boyfriend that letting her go is the right thing to do. The beginning of the end, or the end in the beginning? Who knows? The only thing I know is that is finally working, and I want to go see the end of Leverage before it changes its mind! Sayonara!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Of Green Paint and Gummi Worms

Dude, it's Monday. It's so very, very Monday. The huge amount of green paint currently staining my kitchen and dining room carpet-my fault, unfortunately-is screaming to me that it's Monday. Aside from the fact that this day started with both a bang (the paint can) and a whimper (mine) it hasn't been bad. I think it's the whole "finally got enough sleep" thing (after, like, 30 hours worth) but I'm actually bright eyed and bushy tailed today.

Boing boing. Now if only my head would stop hurting. These constant headaches are actually starting to worry me a little bit. It's like a never-ending throb in my head, usually on the right side, which is where my migraines always like to make an appearance. It could be allergies. It could just be a lack of caffeine. They're happening often enough, however, that I may actually ask my neurologist for an MRI next time I'm in his office unless they decide to stop making an appearance. I'm taking 2x's the amount of Imitrex I'm supposed to be, have been for a few months now. Enough is enough.

So, that was my whine of the day. I'm going to keep this blog post blissfully short. There were no gummi worms, sorry, as much as I might have wished otherwise! There is, however, a story outline I need to finish for a client who offered me a little freelance work, a touch of homework I need to knock out of the way and a fabulous book I'm dying to get to the end of. Oh, yeah, and there's the fact that I actually have to get out of bed and go to work in the morning. Ugh. Sayonara!

Saturday, August 7, 2010


I can't believe I'm about to admit this in a public setting-even if it's in my own blog, which I am absolutely, 100% convinced no one I know is actually going to read-but ever since I broke down and went to see "Eclipse" I've found myself getting hooked on the "Twilight" series.

Considering how low my opinion of that series is in the first place, that's saying something. Before I roll into raptures and you sit there with this, "Oh God, she's almost 30, what the hell?" look on your face, let me break it down. I think the series was poorly written. Reading it was like watching a train wreck. You knew it was a disaster, it was going to end badly and there was nothing you could do to stop it, but you just couldn't look away. You HAD to know what happened.

It wasn't because the characters were particularly loveable. Edward was...well, in my personal opinion there was nothing redeeming about Edward. He was an overbearing freak who manipulated Bella left, right and sideways. And Bella was a spineless pushover who stayed with the manipulating freak over, and over, and over again when she should have walked away. In the first two books it was easy to excuse her stupidity. She was young, and that type of devotion is incredibly flattering when you're in high school. She hadn't seen any of the real world, she wasn't old enough to make decisions that would last forever, and you assumed that sooner or later she was going to grow up and get over it.

Oh, don't I wish.

The catch is, I found myself REALLY liking Jacob. It was funny, because as I saw in another post, Jacob was only ever meant to be a supporting character. There was never meant to be a sequel to "Twilight", so he didn't play a huge role in the first book, and it was supposed to be incredibly obvious that he was always second best to Edward. I get that. The problem was, he was so much more LIKEABLE than the leech. He had personality, strength of character, and he made Bella seem more like a person and less of a porcelein doll, standing there with a blank smile on her face as she waited for someone to take her arms and tell her where to move. I honestly, truly saw Bella that way for the entirety of the series except when she was with Jake in New Moon, and I have to admit, I wasn't impressed.

The way they made "Eclipse", however, shifted the focus from the whole Bella and Edward and Bella's going to die (again) to the way Jacob felt about her, and how they were together compared to how she was with Edward, and I began to see a little bit of hope. What if you rewrote the series, and Bella could actually learn to love what was good for her? What if she decided to kick Edward's ass to the curb, which we were all just dying to see her do? Because really, who just welcomes their boyfriend back after he walks out on them like that? Who doesn't kick him in the ass for trying to kill himself after he screwed things up in the first place?

And oh, personal rant, because you have to look at the way Edward threatened suicide to get the girl back and see how that affected teenagers across the planet. Millions of teenaged girls swooned over the fact that he didn't want to live in a world without Bella. What kind of message does that give teenaged boys? That suicide makes them this dire, romantic hero? Oh. My. God. There's really nothing I can say to that. He was immature and stupid, and Bella let that influence her choices.

But what if she chose Jake? Suddenly these great, romantic possibilities open up. A whole future she could enjoy as a person rather than an automaton. Don't get me wrong, I love me some vampires. If she had a good relationship with Edward then we could have cheered when he came back, but Jake was SOOO much better for her. I look at that, consider what Jacob Black would be like when the boy became a man, and find myself captivated by the possibilities and the happily-ever-after none of them are ever going to get.

And so, I've been Twilighted. I've found myself digging for fanfictions that put Jacob and Bella together, just to see the story go the way it should have gone if Stephanie Meyer had decided to give Bella a REAL relationship instead of the tragic father-daughter, Romeo and Juliet thing she had going with Edward. I've figured out what the obsession is. I hate to see things end without a happy ending. I was sucked into Stargate SG-1 fanfic because they never put Jack and Sam together. I got sucked into Buffy fanfiction because, let's face it, when it's Joss Whedon NOBODY gets a happily-ever-after. And now I'm reading Twilight fanfic because Bella had a choice to make, and she's choosing wrong.

I guess somewhere, deep down, I'm still just a hopeless romantic at heart.