Too Tired to Blog

I want to start by saying that I love to blog. I really do. It's a great way to let go of the day's stress, share your story with people who are going to sympathize (like anyone ever reads this anyway) and just generally let go in an atmosphere where people are going to listen without judging you.

That being said, I'm going to take an opportunity to whine. A lot. Do you mind?

The problem is, I'm pooped. It's 11:00pm, and I just got a chance to sit back and relax. It's my own fault. I know it's my own fault. I over-schedule myself like a mug, then wonder why I can't keep my eyes open in the afternoons! With that in mind, I never complain about the mind numbing exhaustion to anyone on the outside. I'm finally getting into a schedule that works, but let me tell ya, it's been rough!

My day starts with packing lunches and putting kids on the bus, followed by a rousing load of laundry and dishes. Then I sit down and check my e-mail and Facebook, followed by an hour of exercise in front of my favorite tv show and a shower. Then I work until 11:30, take my youngest to pre-k, come back, have lunch with the hubby, work until 2:15 and pick up my youngest from pre-k. Then I either help him with his homework or grab him a snack and sneak in another half hour of work until the other two come home.

3:00 to 4:00 are usually spent doing homework, filling out paperwork and chatting with the kids. Then I try to work for another half hour before starting dinner. Then starts the long round of dinner, bath, clean-up and bed, usually followed by another hour or two of work and an hour or two of homework. Then I spend an hour or two (or sometimes 3) watching tv or reading a book and enjoying the first break I've had all day before passing out, getting up and doing it again.

Argh. I feel like I'm back in daycare, with every minute of my day structured for maximum enjoyment! I can understand why Alex resists daily structure as much as he does. It really sucks! And yet, he's a sucker for routine. Now that Sunday morning housework is the norm, he just gets up and gets it done. Bath time comes after dinner, so that's all cool. Yet let me announce a change in routine, and it's all over!

This from the child who doesn't want to go to camp because he doesn't want his summer structured. Go figure.

The Frustrations of a 3rd Grader

I know I complained this much about my homework. I'm absolutely sure I did. So shouldn't I have a little more patience with the fact that my third grader is throwing an unholy fit about having to study for a science test? He's driving me crazy!

I've never met a kid who hated homework quite as much as Alex does. It seems like every night is this humongous production designed for the specific purpose of making mom want to tear her hair out at the roots. Between the moping, whining, complaining and firm protestations that he'll never be done, I'm about ready to throttle him!

On the plus side, it's Monday. Wait, that's not a plus. In true Monday fashion, we overslept. I spent the entire day trying to wrap up a project I hd intended to have finished last night, only to find out that all of my hard work was for absolutely nothing because she wanted less than half of what I put on there. Grrrr. Urge...to...throttle...coming...

Anyway. Back to helping kids with homework and making spectacular plans for the waffle gala I've got coming on. Then I have newsletter and PR revisions, a PR to write and a handful of articles to finish before I can curl up with some "Kidnapped" and wish the earth would swallow me whole. Oh, and go rescue my cat, of course. Good grief.

On the plus side, I actually got to tell the cat to stop eating the Washington Monument today with a perfectly straight face. Thanks Snuggles.

On how to write a murder

So, I finally did it. Today, I started the research for my very first book. I know, it doesn't sound like much, does it? For me, it's like a breath of freedom. I like ghostwriting, but if I don't start using my own creativity and talent I'm going to slowly wither and die.

Yes, it's melodramatic. I write for a living. Get over it.

What surprises me is how terrified I am to write this book. You, dear reader, will know what I'm talking about. This is the first time I'm going to take that step into the bold nknown on my own. There's no fictional name to hide behind, and if things crash and burn there's nowhere I can hide. It's all me!

So, even though you probably don't care, I'm going to tell you about it anyway. See, I love murder mysteries. I do. I love funny murder mysteries even better, which is probably a statement on my mental health I should really stop ignoring! The thing is, you get funny, or you get murder. That's it. I decided I was going to write a book I wanted to read, with all the dark humor and apathy you'd see surrounding a real murder today! And because I want to take the time to feel clever, I'm going to tell you how I did it.

First, I created a murder. A grisly, gruesome murder motivated by something much deeper than greed and stupidity (because really, if you're going to die anyway wouldn't you rather die in style?). Then I described my characters, right down to the lacy longerie my female detective is going to be sporting in at least one scene. Favorite book? Yep. Movie? Yep. Education? Yep. Got it all.

Now it's research time. Still working on that, because I want it to be good. I have to learn my criminal psych, my police procedure. Can't have my well intentioned detectives taking the wrong path, now can I? When that's done, I'm determined to write at least a page a day until it's finished. I have plenty of time for edits later, it's all about getting from point a to point z (and having a little fun with all the letters in between!).

Dear reader, if you're gearing up to write a book, I say....good on ya! Do it. Don't let fear hold you back. And let me know how it's going! Maybe we can share horror stories when the rejection letters come pouring in-because really, even well published ghostwriters like me have to get at least one on their first book. It's expected. I don't think I'll feel like I earned my dues without it!

Ziva's Gut Shot

I love this video. Have I mentioned Gibbs is a god?

My Baby Boy's Turning Four

Time flies far too fast. I never believed it when my parents told me that as soon as I became an adult the clock would start doing double time, but that's exactly what it's done for the past few years. I turn around and *poof*, it's gone. Unbelievable. My youngest just turned four, and I'm completely in awe of the fact that all of my children have taken a step toward independence. Of course, I just had to go turn on Blues Clues for him, so what do I know!

The Television Calls to Me...

So, with a long week in the works I'm finding it almost impossible to stay on track. Why? Because the television's calling my name. Odd for me, since I almost never actually watch tv, but there you have it. Between my newfound obsession with NCIS (Gibbs is amazing) and the fact that I just discovered Castle with Nathan Fillion (Mal, from Firefly) I've spent most of the last week vegging in front of the boob tube.

Yes, it's pathetic. Sue me.

So I have to ask everyone, what's your solution for the weeks when nothing sounds so good as curling up in front of a good movie? When you can't snap your mind back into gear to do the things you know you need to do? When the only thing you want to do is curl up inside someone else's world for a little while and pretend your own doesn't exist?

Seeing Clearly Now

It's funny how sometimes life just swallows us whole, until we find ourselves sitting in a corner of our mind looking out and wondering how we got there. Then something comes along that opens our eyes, and suddenly we're seeing clearly. Sometimes it's just a moment-a puff of air, a line of music. A lyric in a song. Other times it's a process. And sometimes the moments make the process, paving the way to the future and a new, brighter reality. In that brighter reality we can be anyone we want to be. We're a blank slate, a clear tablet. We're a story that's yet to be written. It's up to us to decide what words we're going to put on the page, and what images we're going to let shape our life.